I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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