at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize