I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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