Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize