$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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