omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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