He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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