this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize