My cat gives me a boner
is wine microwaveable?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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