I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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