You just made me feel so damn special
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize