I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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