but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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