So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize