I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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