Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You were trust falling into bushes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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