Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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