Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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