You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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