I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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