its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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