Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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