I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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