he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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