i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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