I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize