How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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