i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
