Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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