apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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