We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she pinky promised me she was 18
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
