therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
