Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize