My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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