TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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