she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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