Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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