Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
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I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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