It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All the doctor said was why
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize