Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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