they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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