idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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