im drinking this country out of the recession.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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