Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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