her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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