And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize