i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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Boobs are out for the taking
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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