Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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