He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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