oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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