Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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