Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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