Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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