Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize