Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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